I recently became aware that I was starting to feel unwell. It appeared quite slowly with feeling a little off colour, more tired than usual and having less energy. As each week passed I noticed that I felt worse than the week before, so that by the time three or four weeks had gone by, I could no longer ignore it. I started to realise that maybe this wasn’t a cold or virus, and so, determined to get to the bottom of it, I started to look at my life for any clues.

For quite some years now I have been aware that whenever I veer from my spiritual path, my true destiny, I get signals and symptoms to warn me. I thought initially that I was making something out of nothing, considering it a mere coincidence. But time and again I have been proved that this warning system has been extremely accurate. I have often wondered whether this is true for many others, or even taking to its extreme, for every human on this planet. It is, after all, our own sensitive personal radar. So taking this onboard, I started to think about what it is I really wanted out of life, what I would change if I had no restrictions. I looked at when I felt really happy and fulfilled, and when I had symptoms. After I had made a sort of short list, each day I took notice of when I felt less well, and how often I put some time aside for my own wants and enjoyment. I started to see that my dreams and hopes for the future were being put on the back burner as I fulfilled everyone else’s wishes. Now that I had recognised this, I was concerned that to reconnect with my aspirations would be considered shallow or selfish. After all, I had always been a giver, there to support others. How would they take it if I were to become less attentive?

Several months ago, after the sale of my house, I knew I was meant to take time out to spiritual self development. I was lucky enough to be in better financial position than I had been for many years, due to going into rented accommodation. Much of the pressures that had kept me on the treadmill in the past had in fact dissolved, and yet, I still managed to keep myself occupied with one thing or another. The last few months have been just as busy as they were before the move, maybe even more so, ensuring my self development had to take a back seat. This is where my radar system needed to come into play again, my intuition had made me aware that this intense period of self development was due to happen, and yet I had ignored it.

So on Saturday, more sure of how to sort this out, I have re-focused my needs. I have spoken to many people who are close to me and explained what I am doing, and they have been remarkably supportive. I haven’t disowned them or forgotten them, but I have created a little more distance from them for the time being. I have started to make a plan of how to conduct my development, laying out a timetable much like when I was at school, to keep me focused whilst ensuring variety and interest. I still walk the dog and chat with friends, but am much more aware of the time I spend doing this. I have taken a sabbatical from work for this period, which is a blessing, and I have become much more conscious about not agreeing to things until I am sure it is right for me.

Already it is noticeable that my symptoms are reducing. When I am studying or writing I am happy and fulfilled. I make sure my day is balanced without being indulgent. I feel centred and strong, instinctively assured that this decision is good for me. I could have spent months worrying about how to accomplish this, but by being truthful and honest, it has been considerably easier to getting life back on track than I feared.

I am so very lucky to be in tune with myself to the level that I can be confident to take such a step. We all have this ability; it just takes trust and courage. God Bless